he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize