But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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