I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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