Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
