Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
