Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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