amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Every concussion has its silver lining
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
