After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
