Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
