I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
