Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
