I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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