imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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