And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
