I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
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