fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
