Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
