If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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