I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
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Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
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Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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