why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
