the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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