No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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