Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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