Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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