Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
