i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
