dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
