We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
