The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
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