At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
