My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
you didnt know i had herpes?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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