she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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