My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
