batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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