She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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