Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
