When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
