i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
