that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
