I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
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sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
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do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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