If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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