I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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