We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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