so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
