It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
