I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
