i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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