I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.