afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
