kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
19 Of The Most Epic “I Quit’ Stories Ever
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
He better not be in your backpack
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.