Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.