If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize