I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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