a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
