Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
