cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
