so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
