I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
