I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
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I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
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Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
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