I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
