Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
