Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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