He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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