I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
and you fell through a lawn chair
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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