You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
