walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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