you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
this hospital has no fireball
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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