Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
