Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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