so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
