I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
