I saw his package. It spoke to me.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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